Guess today it finally took its toll on me. This morning went down to train, but got up soon after. Was very damaged from yesterday's run plus the activities from the last few days. Well, it's been some time since i've had such a trying training, so it's good, character building and reality check, keeps me firmly grounded. On days like this, the same questions and doubts resurface. And each time i emerge with greater conviction and stronger resolve. will blog more next monday (:
Redgrave is not only a person. Redgrave is also a quality. You look for someone who might achieve great things in sport. Napoleon would ask of his generals:Has he luck?’ I ask of athletes: ’has he Redgrave?’ Redgrave is the ability to go beyond yourself. It is the ability to go the full distance, Johnson-like, and more. It is the ability to commit, day after day, to the one goal of winning. It is the ability to achieve the ultimate goal: and to be unsatisfied. To want more. To demand more, to seek more, and to get more.

Redgrave constantly sought security, and he found it in the knowledge that he had done more than anyone else who opposed him. He had rowed more miles, lifted more weights, erged more ergos. He had suffered more. He had cared more. He had overcome more setbacks. When Redgrave went into battle, he knew that all the others had had the choice to work just as hard as he had done, and that they had chosen not to do so. From this comes the tiniest scruple of contempt. These people had stinted themselves in their desire to be the best. Redgrave knew he had not done so. And so, as he approached the final stages in 1996 with everything as it should be, his constantly repeated instruction to Matthew Pinsent was:’let’s not f it up.’

Earning the right to win, one training at a time.

went home to crash, cramming in lessons for driving test on 3rd, leaving for bintan camp this wed-fri. round ubin. seacc trials.

Dinner with platoonmates was great. It's really interesting how we can still recall those days vividly. Been 7 years already, going to be part h next year!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -Marianne Williamson

What if you believe?

wheeeee

it's always good to row with competitive boats (: recently i have been able to enjoy the thrill of racing boat to boat in being the first to cross the buoys. ahhh, but today i got thrashed doing 8 x 250. strokes not ready for sprints. after that did a 12min set, which was fairly decent.

just as i was walking out from the canteen, a teacher i've spoken to only once stopped me for a chat. He encouraged me to travel to see the world, and he said it's time for me to do something for myself. I told him what i'm doing now, and for the first time, i verbalised my goal and convinced myself.

yes, this is it

exciting

sometimes even i surprise myself (: there's something very strange going on, since jiaolian came back i've been making rapid progress, and today, he didn't even tell me what to do.

monster strokes, i like (:

the 'no' moment v2

hm.. it seems the grievances are pouring out all at one shot. the last straw that broke the camel's back.

anw training today was good. progress. Did the 4 x 2k with the nus team. first 2k got owned, so after that, change strategy, just burst out and die trying to maintain. the next 3 sets were great, hit PB (: think i'm beginning to get the hang of holding the water, despite a lower frequency the boat was moving nicely.

Though the last 3 sets were highly exciting, today's highlight would be the third set. At the 1k mark, did some horrendous turn all the way into lane 6, just imagine! (to potentially avoid boats) so lost the lead and ended up more than a buoy behind. remember what the gatorade tagline is? "I refuse. I refuse to lost. To be average. To fail. I refuse to die. To be afraid. I refuse to be taken. I refuse." So i pushed on, playing catch-up, the glare from the sun, backwash, keeping balance... it's working! at the 200m, was one boat behind, that's when i went into overdrive. Stroke by stroke, as hard as i could, fought to bring the bow of my boat forward, to be the first one across. Could hear the encouragment from the bystander boats, well, actually encouragement wasn't meant for me, but for the leading boat to stave off the attack. With slightly more than 2 buoys to go.. something happened, and 15s later it registered that i had done it... and then the pain exploded

The NO moment (By ketupat Javine)

from one of the more exhilarating 500s muddy and i did during training today:
the NO moment arrives when another boat is uncomfortably close to yours nearing the end. nope, it does not happen when everyone is preparing at the start line when all eyes are glued to the race lines. that's for prayer. nope, it does not even begin to happen when you burst off, flying past the first 2-3 buoys in a blur. that's for yelling for strength from God. the ultimate NO moment arrives when you're at the last 3rd buoy when another boat is dangerously close to yours. uncomfortably close, in fact. when the tip of the next boat refuses to move out from the front rower's peripheral vision.[that would be mine]

then in your head [preferably in sync with your partner] a loud shout goes,
"NO! I WONT LET THEM! NOT TODAY!"

you sit up a little straighter, your shoulders relax a tad further, your arms reach out a little more and your torso twists a little harder. the burning lactic sensation in your lower body dissolves, your eyes narrow, zoomed in on the last two finishing buoys. you pull a little harder [in fact, at this point, with all that you've got], you recover a little faster, you pant a little louder. the yelling for strength from God becomes a full time shriek in your head.

And then you're off.

thank ketupat, that's really a memory i treasure

the merger

so there

i've just joined my second facebook group, this one opposing the RI RJC merger. Read some comments there, bet the decision makers up there didn't expect such a fiery response. In general, i'll say the sentiment is one of unhappiness. Mostly a sense of loss, accompanied by displeasure at the transparency of the decision-making process. Think many of us are lamenting that in the 'consulation process', why didn't they speak to people like me?

In a way, it's good to see Rafflesians so passionate about issues pertaining to their alma mater, yet this is a cause i'll rather not exist in the first place. Does anyone not notice how strange it is, that current students and recent graduates like me are up-in-arms over this very merger proposed (and acted upon) by people effectively our seniors? Perhaps that's what they call the generation gap. Even passing through the same portals of learning and being part of the same fine tradition does not prevent different ideas from emerging (for lack of a better word)

In my opinion as a recently graduated student, i feel that the official merger was unnecessary on certain grounds. Let me clarify my view. Being part of the first batch of students under the Raffles Program, my peers and me had the priviledge of experiencing greater freedom in our academic and non-academic pursuits, however we did not enjoy much integration between Year 4 and Year 5 as the foundation had not been laid then. After Year 4, we became JC1s and it was back to the A levels curriculum.

Still, in recent years, the Raffles Program has sought to integrate the three Raffles schools through firstly, the academic sphere. The sporadic Science talks and other seminars/forums i had back then have evovled into a more structured lecture series by guest speakers. (i believe the reach has widened, though i'm out of touch in this area). In addition, it is not uncommon to see rgs girls and ri boys heading over to the RJC campus for cca practices, especially those that share common coaches/instructors, and vice-versa when our hockey and rugby athletes go over to use the RI facilities. Even the RI classrooms have been used for RJC curricular lessons, not to mention the hordes of RI boys that come over to the RJ canteen.

And all these happened while we functioned as two distinct schools within the Raffles family. I think much has been said about the potential problems which i'll sum up as one main aspect: erosion of both schools' identity. And the new name RISS and RICS is really quite a mouthful.

Hm.. now that i've sorted out my thoughts, i think i see where the problem lies (pls leave a comment if you have an opinion on my post, regardless if you agree or not)

We are human. and by that extension, our self interests matter alot to us (The word selfish was tempting to use, but it's tone might be too harsh). Self, in this case, does not just refer to an individual, but rather the group that the individual belongs to. The uninformed people like me don't really know what the merger entails (see, we won't know unless they tell), yet the idea plus the name change alone is enough to rile us up.

Think about it, the people who've joined the FB group are worried about things like the name and reputation, CCAs (the life of RJ students especially), the student body structure (council, RIPB and peer support), the house systems, the social interactions= things i'll describe as ground level.

"With the merger, corporate functions such as Information Technology, Human Resource, finance and administrative systems will be integrated. Academic and non-academic programmes for teachers and students will not be disrupted." see, even here it says the rationale of merger is to pool resources, facilitate the admin process. Stuff which students take for granted, but is of utmost importance to the functioning of the schools.

so how will this be resolved? As this matter unfolds, the rest of Singapore is watching whether this clash, essentially between Rafflesians, will divide us. It's time to unite. As to how much things can be restored to its previous state, minimal i would say, though it's always good to hope.

Immediate actions to take must include explaining how it'll affect the current students with regards to changes in cca (remember cca=life for rj students especially) and school life, show the thoroughness which the merger was conceived with and go into details.

Personally, i just want to know how i coud wake up one morning and find out the college i've given 2 years of my life to just disappeared with the headlines.

so today i woke up to the news that the college i've graduated from last year no longer exists. The merger between RI and RJC is confirmed, and the name retained in RI. hm.. does that make all our RJ memorabilia collector's items? shucks, i can't believe this actually, will they/ when will they rename our boats?

but anw, the important thing is RGS did not merge, yay (: I think it's something rgs girls can really appreciate, that strong, fierce desire for independence.

what you can believe, you can acheive

wheeeeeee

wheeeeeeeee

just did a maths paper for fun today (: mr kok is right, it all comes back! quite amazed how i could still remember how to do the questions, though admittedly some details did slip me initially (how to find oblique asymptote?)

This financial crisis is getting really big and out of control. Apparently the US govt bailout is equivalent to spending S$1000 every second for 32 years. and wow, the national debt clock in US ran out of numbers! So far it hasn't quite hit home like the '97 asian economic crisis. My take on this? Probably sound like what the neo-marxists would say. Although the recession and unemployment will hurt the average person, it's good that the market cools down and restructure, cutting out jobs in the financial sector. In lieu of growing concerns of climate change and sustainable development, the burst of the financial bubble will send many back to reality.

Just read about a new theory for a country's economic growth, which runs counter to existing dogma that the way to development is moving from secondary (manufacturing) industries towards tertiary (e.g. tourism, services) and even higher order industries like banking and finance. The theory suggests that people get back to secondary industries, where real things are actually being created, thus minimising the potential dangers of market speculation. interesting to think about.

btw, what are the chances of deflation occurring? would be a nice welcome to households and businesses, but at the macro level it's a different story.

ok, back to reality

end of this month i'm going bintan again! to work as facil for inline's adventure camp. and guess which school it is? nan hua primary! couldn't believe my eyes when i saw the sms

haven't decided if i'm going to race round ubin. hm.. and i've submitted my initial application to western ontario and mcmaster's.

training's been good, on wednesday i did 4 x 2k for the first time in my life and it was highly thrilling, got a chance to race all out with boats of different standards. As of that wednesday, i am satisfied with my rate of improvement. Funny how just a day before, was telling mr koh that i felt i was getting much faster (even though at that time i didn't really mean that fast), perhaps it's all in the mind. What the mind can believe, you can acheive.

But as always, if what you did yesterday still seems big to you, then you must not have done anything today.

tomorrow is another day, onward!

love for the game

yesterday had the team over for our Oktober fest! beer, sausages and lots more food (: the highlight was when we did Skype video conferencing with Yang, Joo and Siaurui (: super cool, yang even managed to take a team photo of us + siaurui in her laptop screen

this new techology is really good, and wow, the notebooks are so much better than the clunky one my dad had (my first memory of a laptop). can't wait to get my own next year

so much for cutting the power bill by 26%; electricity price will rise 21% soon

training is good, jiaolian is back and he corrected my strokes. getting the best of both worlds, one is helping me with the efficiency of the stroke, the other with the balance

a few days back, did 2 2ks with a team. wanted to feel some competition, the rush of racing neck to neck with another boat. now, i knew they were suppose to be better, even the not-so-fast boats having thrashed me upside-down a month ago, so i wanted to see how much i've improved against them.

Both times I managed to beat them (the fastest amongst them weren't there/doing that 2k) convincingly and i found it disappointing. didn't get the challenge i want and that they weren't treating it like a '2k all out set'. so maybe it's true only a hard-fought battle is a real victory. well, hope to train with them on another better day

something random, you know what made michael jordan different from the rest of the NBA stars? His counterparts worried aobut injuries; In his contract, he had a 'love for the game' clause, meaning he could play anywhere, anytime he wanted (e.g. passing by a schoolyard).

updates

thought F1 Singapore Grand Prix was stunning, a great performance by Alonso who came from 15th to win the race (: Not really into motorsports, i prefer something more primal, but i think the organisation impressed our overseas friends

last 2 days had a scare, thought i destroyed my back. ok, not a scare, it happened. funny cos in the heat of training everything felt good and the catch was incredible compared to my usual, only after training then something didn't seem right.

what is your reason to win?

i think there's a very fine line between being humble enough to take advice and criticism from others, and being proud enough to believe in what you're doing. so there, balance

now that i'm working at hooha on 2,4 and weekends, i've come to treasure the dinner times with my dad especially, since weekdays he eats out. Today was a rare exception, being a public holiday, we had dinner together (:

it's incredible how much the small things can matter, happy children's day (: